Christmas Time!!

Hey Folks and welcome back.

It has been a while since I have had time to write. Partially due to being busy and partially due to really not having much to say. We are ready for Christmas and things are going smooth. However, my mind can't help but wander back to past Christmas times. I really can't say much other than I miss them.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a very blessed new year.

My thought

This is the day to use the lessons from yesterday to guide you today.

Love....God's way.

Hey Folks,

Hope you are having a great day. I admit I have been fooled before regarding love. Love is our deepest emotion and the hardest one to truly identify. I spent several years looking for true love. The love that God wanted me to have and enjoy. The devil tried to throw in some counterfeits and I fell for those. I was not looking with the eyes of the spirit. Love is a very precious and valuable thing when it comes from the Lord. I have had many obstacles and hardships while looking for love. However, God has blessed me with a deep and honorable love that I have never had. Like I said, I thought I had true love in my last relationship. God threw up the red flags on every hand but I just plowed right on through with MY will and not His. True love is unconditional. Regardless of circumstance. That is what I enjoy now each day.

How do you find true love? You don't have to hunt. It finds you.

Take care, Tony

Distance from the past makes life great!

Hey Folks,

I have not had much time to write lately. There has been so many great things going on! However, many of my friends have asked what has been going on in my life and what happened to the seemingly wonderful marriage that I shared with my ex-wife. I don't talk about those things much but I can tell you that particular marriage was the worst and biggest mistake of my life. It is hard to explain the dynamics but we were just not compatible. She liked to do things I didn't do. Those of you that know me know how I am. I tried to change myself to accommodate a new and what seemed like an exciting life style. However, my ex-wife was sometimes self absorbed and she had no room in her heart for forgiveness, my family or my children. I have never been so hurt and degraded in my life as I was by her. She blamed me for the failure of our marriage and continues to do so. She misrepresented the truth about our relationship and marriage to her family and our friends to make herself look like the victim. However, I left everything I had for her. My family, friends, a powerful ministry and even my values and some morals. I allowed her to destroy my life through deception and hurt. It didn't take long to realize I had married a lady with the maturity of a child. The devil sure laid out the temptation of a better more fulfilling life and I fell for his lies hook, line and sinker.

However, today is a new day and God has blessed me tremendously. The more time and distance I put between me and the past the stronger I get. I look back on the last three years of my life and wonder who in the world this guy was and what was I doing?! I made many wrong decisions while in the snare of the devil but I am now a free man. Our past is not to be relived daily in our mind but it is a guide for us not to make the same mistakes in the future. Believe me, I learned a lot about life and the things to stay away from during my last marriage.

For those of you that need to know, that's all I have to say about that! I am moving forward and I have the old spring in my step that I had years ago. God is faithful!

Remember, the past is where it belongs. We serve a God of the present and the future! He holds the key to all your goals, dreams and steps. Trust in Him always.

Take Care and Merry Christmas!

Tony

Writing again.

Hey Folks,

Glad to be back! I have been super busy lately with all the happenings of life. I have found out many things about grieving. We must complete the grieving process of the tragedies of our life in order to move forward in happiness. I don't know about all of you but I have had many things to grieve about through the last few years of my life. I tried avoiding those issues and wore a mask of joy but I quickly found out that does not work. My life has so many positive things going on now. I have a beautiful wife who loves me very deeply and my walk with God is growing each day. There are still some obstacles ahead but who doesn't have those!?

I will write more later and include some pictures.

Those who cry tears of anger reap fields of wrath.

Take care.

Life...It's not that bad.

Well....Life is good. The picture is from a recent camping trip that I enjoyed with my new bride. I have been very busy lately with all types of things. I am in a new marriage and it is wonderful. I never thought marriage could be this way. I have been married before but finally finding the perfect one definitely makes a big difference. She shares the same loves that I have like church, singing, camping and just hanging out. My lady never cusses, drinks or does anything to disrespect me. She accepts me for who I am. In the past, I thought I was married to a person I could pour my heart out to and share my deepest thoughts and secrets. I found out as our relationship turned south that all the deep things I had shared with her would be used against me. And believe me they were and in some regard still are being used against me. She blamed me for the failure of our marriage. I want to say up front that part of the problem was mine but she owned some of it as well. My ex-wife has misrepresented me in so many hurtful ways. I never thought she would. Not a day goes by that I don't think of it. Lets just say she has tried to chew me up and spit me out. My father once told me that she had a hold on me. I laughed at the time but I realize that was true. I needed a true friend to help me further my needed changes and I was on a pretty good track but my ex-wife would not wait and be patient. She definitely has her emotional hang ups of her own to deal with. I went through things and tolerated things with her that I never should have. I guess she did the same with me as well. Oh well, I am definitely glad its over and part of moving on with my life is learning to write or talk about my terrible experiences with her. She always makes herself out to be an angel of deliverance when she brought me mostly anguish and concern then blamed it all on me.

Whew! That's enough of that for now. My life is slowly turning upward and I can feel the positive changes in the air. A word of advice.....be 100% sure before the vows are said. Family input is important. They can see and sense things more than the love struck groom. I wish I had listened to all my family and friends regarding the ex. However, for now I can say that life is SWEET!

Write at you later.....

Hey Folks,

I guess this blog is more for me to vent and rant than it is for people to read. I have heard that it is good for you to write down your feelings. This helps to better internalize your emotions. Anyway, today is a bloppy day. What is bloppy? Bloppy is a day when you are feeling ok but not particularly in a good mood. My life has been a shambles for a long time. I once was a powerful man who enjoyed the finer things. However, arrogance took over and that led to divorce, divorce led to remarriage which led to another divorce. Now I am on wife number three. I sincerely hope this is the last time that nuptuals will be swapped in my life time. She is a great girl with a good head on her shoulders. However, sometimes I still think I should be alone for awhile. I still need to shake the past hurt and emotions from the past relationships that I have had. I have loved alot. Given alot and hurt alot. I hope it is time for me to recoup some of the devastation and turn it into a great life. I have often said and thought that is is difficult living in the shadow of the man I once was.

I have really struggled lately with where God wants me to be. I never thought (nor my family) that I would be the guy that would be married three times. It just wasn't supposed to be that way. I was married the first time for just over twenty years. I knew that marriage would eventually end. We grew apart tremendously during the last five years of the marriage. I certainly thought the second one would be forever. However, the baggage and habits that we both brought in to the marriage destroyed it before it came to full bloom. This time I hope that things work out and at this point they are going very well. I have calculated the time from I was born that I have been a single man. That time is 17 years and 4 months. I got married the first time at the age of a young 17. That leaves about two months time between each divorce and remarriage. Is that nuts or what?! I guess I am a real life marrying man. As I said earlier, I have loved a lot and hurt a lot. I get so frustrated with myself for making hasty, wrong and eventually hurtful decisions. However, I know the identity of my true love and thats all I can say about that.

I guess that's all for now. I look forward to the first comment.
Take care.

Searching for life in an endless sea of direction.

Hello again,

I hope today finds you well. I have had a regular morning. Got to bed late last night and almost overslept. Things are moving right along. Church last night was really good as we finished a study of the 10 commandments. The teacher is an old country man who has no formal education but he has a wonderful understanding of the Bible. I think I can learn a lot from this fellow. Even though I have preached for over 20 years, the Bible has not changed and I am not too old to learn from others. As I stated in an earlier entry, my life has really went through the ringer the last three years. My faith has been challenged in many different ways. I have done things I thought I would never do. Let's just say I became involved in a life that was not me. It rubbed against every grain of righteousness that had been instilled in my heart. However, today is a new day and God is still on the thrown. I love the scripture where He tells us that He holds us in the palm of his hand. I am very thankful of that. I seem to live life so indecisive now. I have often looked back on decisions made and think to myself, "who the heck is that guy?" I often refer to my life as a guy that I have counseled through the years and every now and then I think back and wonder how he is doing. I want so badly to resume a regular life with little stress and easier decisions. Does anyone really live a life like that? Our life is spent searching for who we really are and what our true purpose is. Some find their path quickly and others find it later. However, when we find our path the search is not over. We must walk the path with integrity of the heart and not the weakness of the flesh. That has been my problem. Weakness of the flesh has sometimes overtaken me on my search for who I am and who God wants me to be. I have a deep desire to live, love and laugh. I thought I had found it once but the devil somehow got in and I allowed him to destroy my plans and my life. However, God has been patient and moving in my life all along. Searching for life in an endless sea of direction. There are many choices. I want to make the right ones and allow God to bless with His movement.

Take Care.

My son and choices.......they both worry me.

Hello folks,

I hope all of you are well. I am sitting in my office contemplating my life and the messes that I often encounter due to my stupidity. However, today I am thinking of my son. My son told me a few years ago that he is gay. Let me set the stage for this. I am a conservative Baptist preacher that has preached the old fashion way for over twenty years. However, in the last few years, life has dealt me some serious blows that has forced me to rethink the ultra conservative approach. Things such as my own divorce, falling into a life I never dreamed of, finding and losing love and a major job change. However, one of these things is the fact that my son is gay. He says he feels like he was born to be gay. I have a problem embracing that issue. But, I do know that babies are born with emotional deficiencies and other life-long issues to deal with. Why can't gay people be the same? Paul says that we all have a thorn in our flesh and we all certainly have a cross to bear. God ensures us that through every trial, temptation or obstacle He will make a way out. Our sexuality is a deep, private and awkward situation. But my mind wonders if our sexuality and the choice therof will send us to hell. I have to go for now but please share your thoughts.

The first word.

Hey folks.

Welcome to my blog. I wanted to create this blog to talk about many different issues in my life and the world around us. I am not an old man but I have lived a lot of life. I am still in the molding process and God is definitely working hard to make me the man he wants me to be. Trouble is.....I am so resistant. So, fasten your seat belt and join me in this blog. I will not edit out any comments as long as they don't cuss or take God's name in vain. I want to hear your feedback on all my crazy thoughts and steps in life. I look forward to hearing from you.